Photosource: Photobucket

Antagal kong hinintay ang pasko. Para lang magkaroon ako nang dahilang batiin ang mga taong, otherwise, hindi ko naman nababati.

Merry Christmas Superman! Alam kong busy ka ngayon sa pag-aaral. Mahirap nga naman ang accounting. Pero siguro naman, may balak kang mag-pasko ano? hehe.

Merry Christmas kaaway ko nung first year high school! Super close tayo nung mag-umpisa ang klase...pero promise...hindi ko na maalala kung bakit tayo nag-away. Basta, ang alam ko...yung barkadahan nating powerpuff ay unti-unting nabuwag dahil hindi na tayo magkakasundo. Hindi kita sinisisi...kahit pa ikaw ang itinuturong factor nung pag-aaway. Bati na tayo ha? Lumipat na lang ako nang paaralan nang hindi tayo nag-uusap! Peace na tayo Eve Karen! hehe.

Merry Christmas crush ko nung first year college! Sabi nila gay ka raw. hehe. Well. Lahat na lang gay. si kwan...si kwan...at si ano...ah basta... happy new year!

Merry Christmas dalawa kong lolo! Kung meron man sigurong okasyon na malamang ay everday nacecelebrate sa langit...siguro christmas yun. Kahit di na tayo nagkita nang personal...antayin nyo ako...100 years from now. Hindi ako nangangarap maging bampira promise...kaya pasasaan ba't we'll finally see each other!

At sa KBP...naging makulay ang blogging ko ngayong taon! Salamat!!!

Am I too old for Christmas?

Photosource: magazine.virtualmalaysia.com

Whew. Parang nagsilabasan lahat nang mga tao sa mundo. Talagang siksikan ang drama sa malls, sa palengke, at sa daan. Busy ang lahat sa christmas shopping, sa christmas party at syempre sa christmas gift.

Bigla ko tuloyng naalala...wala akong fond memories sa mga ninang at ninong ko. Hindi ko alam kung ilan lahat sila. At lalong hindi ko alam kung sinu-sino sila. Parang fictional characters ang pinag-ninong sa binyag ko at lahat sila'y hindi nagpaparamdam sa akin. Kaya medyo hindi ako nasanay sa regalo mula sa mga ninong at ninang. At lalong hindi na ako naghahanap. Gumive-up na ako noong unang panahon. Kaya magpakita man sila ngayong pasko...i doubt it kung aasa pa akong magbibigay sila.

Sino kayang magbibigay ng regalo sa akin ngayong pasko? Hmpf. Sure akong hindi magbibigay yung mga kapatid ko. Ang mga iyon pa! Wala nang ginawa ang mga yun kundi holdapin ako payday after payday. Hehe. Humirit na rin ako sa mga magulang ko pero syempre alam ko naman ang isasagot ng mga iyon...yung mga uncle ko din...pare-pareho yung mga sagot...kesyo me-trabaho raw ako...kaya di na daw ako bibigyan ng gift...

ganun-ganun na lang ba yun? Dahil ba working cow na ako, gradweyt na rin ako sa pagre-receive ng christmas gifts? Isa ba ito sa mga malulungkot na facts na kaakibat ng pagtanda? O sadyang pahirap nang pahirap lang talaga ang buhay kaya't budget cut na rin sa mga regalo?

Ang pasko nga raw ay para sa mga bata. Kaya ba kahit sa regalo ay sila ang priority ngayong pasko? hehe. Pero ke-me regalo o wala...naniniwala pa rin akong...nobody is too old for Christmas (hehe). Kaya....mangungulit pa rin ako ngayong pasko!

The Whiskey Lullaby

Words and music by Bill Anderson and Jon Randall

She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby

The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby

************

*Sigh* How sad.

dead star cold

Dead Star. Photosource: www.nasa.gov

I'm...cold and the christmas air blowing around town has nothing to do with the way I feel. Maybe, the afternoon fevers I'm experiencing for a couple of days now have something to do with(but not entirely responsible for) it. The airconditioning unit is a lame excuse, too. I just feel that my blood is freezing under my veins and no amount of coffee or chocolate drink could infuse some rush into it.

There isn't much adventure these days and I miss the sun. Not that it isn't shining most of the time. It is technically there...out there to be more specific while I am lurking inside the office for the boring stuffs. For almost a month now, I am only getting ten to 15 minutes exposure to sunlight in the morning, and 5-10 minutes during lunch...and I guess, my feel-good hormones are present only in negligible amounts...barely enough to make me happy.

I hang out with my cousin a lot during weekends. We are at this fast food shop when she blurted out, "Do you have any idea how much you repel people?"

I forced a smile. "Yes..." I know I'm not really friendly even when I'm in a sunny mood and sometimes I get so sour that I don't even want any person within a 50-meter radius. "...people who don't know me," I added.

The thing is, I keep few friends...and fewer even get close enough to see me run out of patience, throw a tantrum, or make me cry. I don't mind being alone, but everytime I am, I get most of the attention, at least from my family...and I am not liking it. They can't understand why I am so poor at socializing and why I seem to be pretty cool about it.

Actually, I can totally communicate with other people...work with them...but not necessarily establish some sort of connection with them. I live within firewalls and that, I think, is a probable explanation to this feeling cold and all.

"Get more people to know you then," said my cousin with clear intentions to, sort of, comfort me which is entirely uncalled for. Though not in the best shape, I am totally fine.

"I like the idea. But I am not putting serious efforts for that," I replied. She rolled her eyes, made a face and then we laughed.

Guess, I have to hang out with her again, with her kids maybe. I'm feeling stuck and it's either I find relief or dwell in it. The latter sounded so masochistic and I never wanted to belong on that category, ever. It's decided then. I'm texting her.

Past and Current

I closed my eyes to sleep... my third for the day. I was riding a PUV and I was so disinterested watching people and streets. I wasn't really sleepy but its the only way not to see anything.

The PUV was passing by your beloved university somewhere around Roxas Boulevard and the more I forced my eyes to shut...if i could make these closed eyes be insensitive even to the slight changes of light, I would. I hated the thought of you so much and that is still a huge understatement.

Never in a million lives did I imagine myself like this...troubled over a past nightmare. I even don't know what you are to me that I suffer for you this much.

Ito ang journal entry ko nung December 1, 2006...dalawang taon na mula nang isinulat ko ito...at in fairness, marami nang nagbago. Hindi na ako naiinis dumaan sa Ateneo ngayon. Nakapaglakad na nga ako minsan sa paligid ng paaralang iyan dahil napagkaisahan ako ng mga housemates ko na bayaran yung boarding house namin. Wala na yung mga irrational apprehensions ko towards sa lugar.

Hindi ko na rin kelangang isara ang mga mata ko; may makita man akong hindi masyadong kaaya-aya, kaya ko na yung salubungin. Hindi ko man maintindihan kung bakit may phenomenon ng mga nagkakatotoong panaginip...hindi ko kinukwestyon ang mga dahilan bakit nangyayari ang mga ganun.

Hay, ang haba na ng inusad ng panahon. Sa kabuuan, ang 2008 ay naging napaka-productive na year para sa akin at sa darating na 2009...naniniwala akong mas marami pang exciting na mangyayari. :D

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CUTE BLOGGER AWARD

at dahil binigyan ako ni dylan ng cute blogger award...ipapasa ko rin ito kay eloiski, utakmunggo, kamotenista, great glesy at angel na walang pakpak.

Ang rules:

1) mag-post ng 10 things about sa sarili
2) mag-tag din ng iba pang sampu.

Ito na ang sa akin:

1) kung hindi ako tao ngayon, siguro ibon ako.

2) madalas ulyanin...hirap na hirap akong mag-store ng memories ng mga pelikula, pangalan,
dates, at direksyon. Madalas akong tumatawa sa same joke. Madalas manood ng pelikula at sa kalagitnaan ko lang mare-realize na napanood ko na pala yung movie. Hirap din akong matandaan ang lokasyon ng stalls at CRs sa mall at hindi lang isang beses ko nakalimutan yung bag ko sa library namin.

3) Lagi akong may journal notebook...dahil nga medyo amazing ang pagiging ulyanin ko.

4) Ang original kung pangarap ay maging fashion designer...hehe...

5) Hindi ako kumakain ng beef loaf, meat loaf...at lahat nang version ng pagkain na ito.

6) Nagsusulat gamit ang right hand...pero ,mostly, nagbubuhat gamit ang left.

7) Hindi sumasayaw...mula nung marealize kong wala pala talaga akong talent sa dancing.

8) Green ang paborito kong kulay pero mas marami akong damit na pula.

9) hindi ako natutulog nang may unan sa ilalim ng ulo...ke-kama, ke-sahig, ke-lupa pa yang tutulugan ko...dapat may takip lang talaga yung mata ko.

10) May peter pan syndrome.