Sun behind things

I, I’m the sun—the bright one and the hero of life. Like all stars, I burn inside and I burn alive and I burn to death. Yet, everyone seemed to want my warmth, my light, my way of life without realizing the pain and torture that has to come with all that. Some people claim my life is beautiful only because it isn’t theirs; they don’t even know a single thing about it.

As I move behind things, landscapes, trees, structures…anything…these things lose their color. My own light reduces them into dull back lighted silhouettes and they’ve always hated me for that. And I’ve always resented the fact that when I’m nearest to the things I love most, I could only make them see the worst in them. Now what’s so cool in that? Who wants my life, I’d give it away.

No one knows that I have to be far from things so that they could have their colors. While all of them create together picture-perfect scenes, I am halfway across the sky, burning alone just so their colors would be vivid.

Things are most beautiful when I am away while I can only look beautiful when I’m behind things making them look dark. That’s the fact of my life. Who wants that? I’d give that away.

I'm tired.

my pair of red checkered high cuts is retiring

I wish to include a recent, close-up photo of my noblest pair of shoes ever but I don't have a copy of that pic now. The pair isn't converse. It isn't of expensive brand. Being the kuripot that I am, I bought it three years ago for 320 pesos. From that day on, I became a fan of robertson's rubber shoes (rmb group series)! Whee!

After three years, after all the days we spent together in the rough mountains and streams to the concrete roads of the city, my pair of red checkered high cuts is retiring. The soles were intact but the "cloth part" was now torn. The pair was still functional but for the love of it, I don't intend to wear out the special shoes.

Last night, I spotted a brown checkered canvas shoes in the night market (ukay-ukay gallore). Because it was checkered, I fell in love with it right away and bade goodbye to a hundred and fifty pesos. :) The pair wasn't really that good for a hundred fifty, I realized it after close inspection. But, there's still room for reinventing the shoes. And as soon as I get back from Far Far Away, I'll summon my creative side to bring the best out of that pair. :) And hopefully, with the second-hand shoes, I could set my best foot forward. :)

Life is always better with second chances. I think I believe that now.

all ends well

Earlier this day, my brain received some signal that the trip we planned had to be put off. It wasn’t a vacation of some sort as the trip was work-related. So when the cancellation was confirmed, I was relieved.

For a week now, I’ve been hopping from city to city—sleeping only when inside the bus or any public transport. I was almost on the road for days, doing work stuffs in internet cafes whenever the need arises. I know that I looked like most dorks carrying expanded folders and a bag pack bulging with everything and clothes. It was really degrading when mall guards check my bag pack and everything inside it wanted to say hello.

The Philippine Eagle Week will end today (closing program 6-9 PM at SM DAvao). I was barely “there” for the event. I only had last Sunday’s afternoon to feel the “fun-spirit.” Although tired after hours and hours of editing some stuffs…which actually more of rewriting those stuffs…I had fun watching kids posing for pictures during the “animal encounter” at SM Davao. It really was a tiring week but thanks to some friends, I was able to do all my targets with their generous help.

Next Saturday will be my first day as a graduate student. Wheee! It took me 2 years to wait for this. Just how happy I am that I was able to pay for my fees and my brother’s tuition, no one probably had the slightest idea. I am only earning a meager pay of 4500 (benefits and taxes not yet subtracted) a fifteenth. I probably have the most low-paying among the very demanding jobs…and there are times that I resent things in this line of work. But, as long as I am not too fed up and tired, I will keep going.

I don’t know how hard life is for others so every time I hear good news from friends, I feel most happy for them. If life is difficult for me, I don’t want to make it difficult for others. That’s not being nice, kind or altruistic…that’s being fair when everything seemed to be not.