LOA

I don't need to bare my soul for the whole wide world to see since all the world is blind. It's time once again to crawl into my invisible cocoon; it was too cold and harsh outside. I'm taking a leave from so much thinking in five....four...three...two....

Taym machine

Nakita mo na ba ang padala kong taym machine?
Humayo ka na at balikan mga nakaraan.
Itama, ang lahat nang sabi mo'y mali.
Kung sakali mang magtagumpay ka,
balitaan mo naman ako.
Sumulat ka,
Dahil hindi mo na ako aabutan dun.

Bakit hindi na lang kasi ngayon?
o kaya'y kahit bukas.
Isang sakay lang ng jeep ang pagitan.
Hindi pa magawan ng paraan.

Nakita mo na ba ang padala kong taym machine?
Balikan mo na sya.
Matagal na akong umalis sa panahong yan.
Wala na siguro akong mararamdaman.

Bakit hindi na lang kasi ngayon?
o kaya'y kahit bukas.
Isang salita lang marahil ang pagitan.
Hindi pa magawan ng paraan.

Haunting

This idea of you,

That idea of me

rose like firewalls piercing

the sky and we become

pelagic phantoms of each other,

presence neither confirmed nor denied.

Surely I'll catch you someday,

Only then can I truly let you go.

You were there

I am here.

Feelings set against differing timelines.

I may have missed you out then,

But that was when I have you the most.

And we become each other's pelagic phantoms--

presence neither confirmed nor denied.

Legends of us were written

in stars, in dust

But were never told

and never will be.

Peculiar events

Missed call

Yesterday, October 10, around 7:30 in the morning, my office mate, room mate and friend Jo woke up showing me her phone and asking why on earth would I try to call her when we even slept in the same bed. True enough, my number appeared on her "missed calls" but i really never tried calling her. Maybe, I dialed her number during my sleep so I double checked with my phone. She was listed in my dialed numbers but the time of call was several days ago.

I haven't been myself lately. For some unexplainable reason, I felt sad (not depressed). Something heavy seemed to hang from my shoulders. I tried meditating and all those soul-searching stuff...but i really can't pinpoint a single reason for the strange heaviness. Certainly it wasn't about work, school or money...although those three were kind of bugging me, I never flagged them as "problems."

Black swallow tail moth

Tired of a whole day's class, I still dropped by the office to check mails and to submit academic requirements via email. In between attachments, I was facebooking ang chatting online with some friends. Then, a black swallow tail moth flew in through the window...circled over the place and lodged unmoving under my chair. I don't believe in superstitions as that would be unchristian and all. But, I have my own dose of the unexplainable...particularly in death-related stuffs. The creeps I felt at that moment was strong enough but my faith in God who had conquered death was stronger. Since I was a child, I had been taught that prayers dispel all fears and it definitely did.

Doppelganger in Facebook

Intrigued by my friend's report about how fun Zynga's Cafe World is...I decided to try the application. With a quich tutorial and coaches from friends, I managed to start with my cyber restaurant. The application operates like most of FB's previous games like farmtown, yoville, barn buddy, farmville, pet society and etc. In these apps, people assume a cyber character. In the case of Cafe world, one assumes the character of a chef, waiter or a customer. In the game, I was cooking something when some customer walked in and with a name same as mine. Pointing the cursor to that character, my profile picture appeared...which means that I was a chef and a customer at the same time. The two cyber characters never looked alike. My chef character had a lighter skin and brown bobbed hair. The customer character had dark brown skin and long, black hair. Consulting my friend, she never experienced that phenomenon. She's on level 9 already and was using the app for quite a while now. Doppelgangers are associated with death...I don't know if this too applies to cyber doppelgangers.

But that doesn't matter. Not at all. Because I know, I will have a long and fruitfull life.

Lord, there's so much in this world I can't grasp. But I know you've got me in your loving hands and the thought of it is more than enough to let me know that though I feel like I'm falling...I know I'm not falling apart.

I confess that my heart is troubled because I failed to look to you as you have always instructed. But I know your grace abounds and I can't be thankful enough each time you find me after I have lost my way.

I pray Lord, that you'll humble me and make me stay under your wings forever. Allow my heart to listen, allow my eyes to see , and allow my mind to understand your awesome plan. Do not let my pain and the pain of others blind me of your great beauty. Instead, draw all these pain and let me cry for I know I will be comforted. And regrets are not what you hold for me; in your time, I know that all you have promised will be done.

Strengthen me Lord for the long wait; your kingdom is near. In the end of these all, I always know where I want to be.

Minus

And we often find ourselves

in the sensible things we do.

But if I'd stay here just eyeing stars

and consuming air and being me,

will I matter to this earth?
And all them good people would surely
say yes...
But if that is the case,
why am I feeling otherwise?

Header Erase

Sa dagat ang tuloy ng tulay na ito. Huwag tumalon, nakakamatay.

Mulat ang mata. Hindi. Dilat ang mata. Wala rin namang muta pero kahit na. May ilang linggo nang hindi makatulog mula nang ibasura ng mga bosing ang pinakamagandang kanta sa balat ng lupa. Tama. Hindi nila tinanggap ang kanta kong pinamagatang "Tindahan ni Aling Gloria" kahit pa alam nating ito ang pinaka-original na kanta sa buong mundo. Mantakin mo, true to layp pa naman ang pagkagawa ko dun sa kanta...pero di pa rin umubra. Tama nga ako. Walang hustisya sa mundo para sa mga katulad kong artist. Parang gusto kong tawagin mula sa hukay si Van Gogh at makipag-apir sa kanya nang wanhundred tayms.

Natatandaan ko ang araw na yun. The sun was shining so bright at parang kahit maging aircon na ang buong mundo...mainit pa rin. Parang gusto kong maglupasay sa kalye at magpasagasa ng truck. Baon na baon na ako sa utang na pera at utang na loob...at dahil na-reject na naman ang obra ko...hindi ko na alam kung paano bayaran ang lahat ng problema ko sa buhay. Nang aktong sasagasaan na ako ng pison, dumating si spiderman...ang best friend ng lahat.

Nagtanong sya kung ano ang drama ko sa buhay. At nagkwento naman ako kahit alam ko namang wala sa kanya ang kasagutan. Nasa tuktok na kami ng isang punong niyog at medyo mahangin. Hindi ko alam kung paano nakapag-produce ng gitara si Spiderman basta bigla na lang nangyari yun. Muntik na akong mahulog nang sya'y kumanta. Dahil kinanta nya'y "Tindahan ni Aling Nena."

Tinanong nya kung bakit ganun na lang ako kung matulala. Hindi nga naman ganun kasi kaganda ang boses niya. Tinanong ko sya kung sinong magagaling ang sumulat ng kantang inawit nya. Sabi niya...eraserheads. Naisip ko sino na naman ang boyband na iyan?! Lahat na lang inaagaw ng mga boyband...sila ang laman ng TV. Sila ang laman ng radyo. Sila ang nasa magazine. Si Spiderman na naman ang natulala. Bigla na lang syang naglabas ng sapot at iniwan ako sa tuktok ng niyog.

kaya simula nun...ayoko nang marinig ang eraserheads kahit kelan sa buhay ko. Pakiramdam ko...ipinagpalit na ako ng lahat sa eraserheads. Bukas, magtatatag ako ng girlband...Header Erase ang pangalan. hmpf!