In a place where the rains seem eternal, in a time that wasn’t today or yesterday, I am seated in a wooden bench with knees folded so that my chin rests in between them. He was beside me, leaning back comfortably so that most of his view is the gray sky. Despite the cold, the rain seemed to be our only comfort and we don’t want shelter of any sort.
“F*$% you,” he said it like he meant it. I can’t seem to get used to the language although I am positive he wasn’t really talking to me; after a few seconds he smiled shyly. “I mean, f*$% you rain.” He paused before stuttering. “Well…I’m still sorry about that.”
He resumed eyeing the weeping sky, counting birds that occasionally darted across it. With his mouth shut, it isn’t so hard to recall why I made it a point to see him again for the last time. He is after all, the first love I never dared forgetting.
“I liked you a lot.” I said. I really thought I would swallow my tongue after but I didn’t. Years ago, that could have been a magic sentence and our lives surely would have changed. Now, it was just like a necessary remark, an important part of a process.
He laughed but he isn’t being sort of mean or bitter. I laughed at myself too. I don’t know. But I also think that what I said was actually funny.
“That is so shitty. You came all the way from…”
“Outer space,” I filled in laughing.
“Outer space. Of course. Why are you telling me that? Aren’t you supposed to get over me or something,” he said as he straightened his back. I can sense that despite this I’m-so-cool-with-this look, he’s a bit uncomfortable. And I kind of enjoyed it.
“I was hoping to hear you kind of liked me, too. I mean… before. In the past. Previously.” I emphasized the words that denoted a sense of time. He stood up and put his hands on his pockets. It was so typical of him. And before he took a step, I knew he’d be pacing back and forth then side to side.
“Liked you? F*$%! I was so in love with you,” he said laughing. It was my turn to be uncomfortable. I eased both my knees and stood up.
“That, that, I guess I don’t know.” Somehow, it felt so odd hearing it from him. Years ago, I so wanted to hear those. Now, it seemed empty though still piercing. Some things, I guess, just lose meaning in a different context.
“So are we done here? Can we just walk…f*$%...walk away, now?” he tried to blink away the tears, I know. It was so like him. I don’t care, though, so I cried.
“Of course. I…well…you have a plane to catch and you need to change, uhm, your…your clothes. And I have a life to live.” It was impossible to keep a straight voice. We faced each other and smiled for the very last time.
“I really hope you get over me. It will be hard if you don’t. Trust me,” he said. And we hugged as the rain blended with the tears streaming down our face.
“I will. I will.” I whispered to his ear.
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