24th October
Memory at the Seawall
Finally, the sun started to sink down the horizon, withdrawing her arms of fiery bright light into the backs of the mountains that now appear dark and dense under such beautiful backlighting. Some of the light filtered through the shrubs and the hedges that separated one side of the park from the rest of the wide amber sea, giving one the illusion that they were in flames. I walked towards the seawall and sent hundred gulls into a rapid flight across the pinkish sky. I climbed on the top of the wall and watched the waves lashed the concrete barrier.
There seemed to be a hollow in my stomach and I felt as if my whole being would be sucked into it any minute. My palms were sweating and I tried to rub them dry on my own faded jeans. The salty breeze messed my hair up and I had a hard time keeping it from sticking on my cheeks. My knees were wobbling, but I tried to reduce it to a less obvious shaking by thinking of funny thoughts. The wind brought in so many memories but I laughed hard at one in particular.
“Hi crazy,” he emerged from the farther edge of the sea wall wearing one of his stupid grins. He hopped to my side and messed up my hair even more. “You don’t really mind laughing alone, right?”
“Right. I don’t,” I laughed some more. I watched his thick brows wrinkle in the very way I liked them to. He put an arm around me and pulled me in so that my head rested on his right shoulder.
“I suggest you don’t move or you’d break your neck,” he tried to sound threatening and I kind of pulled my head up but he resisted. “Oh don’t pretend you don’t like this.”
I laughed and elbowed him in the ribs and he jerked away. The sun was halfway down the horizon and our oily faces reflected the same amber color.
“So, what was it this time?” he said eyeing me suspiciously. He knew I often reinvent him in my mind and turn him into something funny.
I faced him and smiled. I studied his face and saw that his world made him a different person. Dark circles were around his eyes and some of the breaths he take sounded like sighs to me, very subtle but quite noticeable.
“I was thinking about you and the dead toad in your bag,” I said without blinking and he pretended to inch away from me. He tried to look sour and let out a scowl.
“That…well, that was so long ago. Can’t you just forget it and move on?”
I chuckled so hard and he pretended to push me off the sea wall. I tried to keep my balance and teasingly kicked his legs. For a moment none of us talked. It was a very beautiful dusk and I can’t help but wish he’d stay.
“Why…why don’t you go with me?” he asked, tons of seriousness in his voice. He inched closed and grabbed my hand, slowly entwining his fingers into mine. It felt so warm and this would be one of the few times we did hold hands.
It took me awhile before I found the voice to speak again.
“You know I can’t,” I said without looking at him. I struggled to keep my face straight and my eyes dry.
The sea wind howled around us. I felt extremely cold and that was when he let go of my hand, faced me, and then hugged me like he never did before. I closed my eyes while I clenched both my hands trying to refrain from putting them around him. I put on such a hard effort and I hardly breathed.
“You’ll miss this,” he said casually letting me go and I know what the answer to my question was. Suddenly, I felt that the moment may be my only chance of getting close. So I hugged him tight just so he’d know he had to put more effort to be free.
“Now, that’s more like it,” he laughed and I grunted first before joining his chuckle.
Beyond us, the sun sank so low and that a beautiful darkness crept from all over us. Few stars started to be visible and I made it a point to say all of my wishes on them. We jumped down from the seawall and made our way to the small stalls not so far ahead.
“So…what’s it like?” I asked him after we had settled. He ordered a cup of tea for himself and coke zero for me. There was only excitement in his eyes.
“It’s everything I wanted it to be. I had a hard time but it’s all worth it,” he said. It’s hard not to frown really. He noticed it so he gently touched the back of my hand that rested comfortably on the tiled table.
“Be safe always, promise me,” I said. He let out a deep sigh and I don’t like the sound of it. I know him; he had a taste of the dangerous and some affinity to adrenalin rush. The outdoors are kind of a religion to him.
“Shouldn’t you be yelling ILUs to me now?” he said laughing. The mood is getting heavy so he changed it. I pulled my hand away from his touch and throw him my notebook. “Aw!” he muttered.
“Is that ILU enough?” I asked grinning. He laughed and picked the notebook up. He skimmed through its pages and then handed it back to me. If he’d looked closely enough on all of the pages of my notebook, he should have seen his name, scribbled carefully on each bottom margin.
The silence that followed seemed to slow down the time. Here we are, fifty feet away from the sea, sitting opposite to each other, memorizing each line on our foreheads as if we’ll never see each other again.
“I made you some lyrics for that track you gave me. It’s…well it’s half-finished. But, I think you should see it now.” He pulled out folded sheets from the pocket of his jacket. He smiled sheepishly. “I kind of crumpled it but here.”
I jokingly yanked the sheets from his palm. He grinned. I love his grin. He watched me intently as I looked at the lyrics typed in my favorite font face. Before I comprehend a word, he recited the refrain.
“Hope there’ll be a stage called you and me… I dreamed of rockin’ the world on a tire swing while you, just like the patient sea can watch me. Just me,” he mumbled the lyrics while I stared blankly at the sheets in my hand. A familiar cold swept through me inside. I looked at him like he should be explaining something.
“Read on, why are you staring?” he muttered sternly and looked away to the sea. I smiled and read the next lines. He smirked when I overemphasize the cheesy stuffs, trying to swallow my laughs, until I was down to the last stanza.
“ you’re my own breakthrough…wait. I think some lines are missing. The track has some bridge, right?” I tried sounding stern.
“I told you it’s half-done. How can you not listen?” he muttered sounding irritated. He tried to snatch the sheets away from my hand. “Give me that!”
I pulled the sheets out of his reach and started to laugh. “So you’re a lyricist now?” He gave me one of his shut-up-please looks. I raised my hands in surrender. “Ok, now you’re angry. You already hate me.”
He rose from his seat, pulled another chair and sat next to me. He looked so serious now. But maybe it was just the dim café lights. A sudden but comforting rush crept over me as he held my hands that were still clasping the lyric sheets. Without even throwing me a glance, he read on.
“…watch me. Just me. I bet on every grain of sand. Do we stood a chance?”
“Maybe,” I said right away because at that moment, he wasn’t only reading the lines. He’s asking me the question we should’ve asked each other from the very beginning. “Maybe we have a chance.”
He almost smiled. He put his left arm around me and pulled my head so that it rested on his shoulders. I placed the pages close to my chest and closed my eyes. I remember our young faces back then waiting for the separation of toad blood proteins according to their weights in gel. He’d wanted so much to graduate, while I wanted to be stuck because I don’t know what to do with my life.
“I’m glad you said that,” he whispered softly. “By the way, I’ll be there when your songs are launched.”
I laughed. “Common. You can’t promise that. Kissing me now’d be better.” I angled my face so that his lips matched my oily forehead. “Kiss me now like you always did.”
It was his time to chuckle. He planted a kiss on my hair and we laughed so hard. If the world ends now, I know I did the right thing. I loved him and let him go.
- - - - -
While this was intended to be just the first part, i don't think i can ever write a second episode. This is the first and the last Spiderman post.
0 comments:
Post a Comment