Cheese of the Week 02

The morning begins with the sound of rubber slippers on vinyl floors and hushed voices from housemates. The bright yellow morning sunlight doesn’t appear in the picture until I pull myself out of bed, go out of the cramped room and turn the computer on. Ah, busy days. It is once again September, still feels like summer to me, only I have a meeting around ten and I was only half finished with some work. Six thirty’s quite early but I can’t really do so much in the morning. I can’t really do much in a day,not much in a week. Maybe not much in a lifetime. And just the thought of that gets me, gets to my nerves sometimes.

But really you can’t worry much in a day, or in a month or in a lifetime. I worry a bit, checked my forehead for wrinkles, smile to undo them and then move forward. Sometimes though you get stuck for a moment. Get stuck for quite some time. But I can’t really be stuck all my life. So maybe I am somewhere right now, somewhere in between two things like greatness and failure (which makes me ordinary), black and white (which makes me gray), hot and cold (which makes me boring), North pole and South pole (which makes me nonexistent).

The pantry is the safest place to hide. I can look out and see the brackish lotus pond, maybe spot a family of white throated kingfishers having some picnic on the wire, or count durian fruits and falling leaves. I can just pretend to drink coffee, Milo, or just plain water when truth is I am drifting to a place farther than the reality of the office walls. If I’m lucky someone will barge in and offer me cupcakes, someone who’s considerate to remember me but sensitive enough not to linger. Really, I do not always need people around. It’s enough to know they’re there. When I’m done sighing, I can just go back to reality, bake my own cupcakes and maybe, in time, share them.

The day ends with fruit bats shrieking in the night sky and feet hurrying on the tiled floor. But the pale moonlight doesn’t come into picture unless I step out of the office and breathe in all the dampness of night and think of the tasks for the whole month. Ah, busy nights. It’s September and it still feels like summer to me only I have a class tomorrow and I need to do a report. Six is quite early but I can’t really do much in the evening. I can’t really do much overnight. Maybe not much in a lifetime. And the thought of that gets me, gets to my nerves sometimes. But really you can’t worry much. I don’t have to worry much.

Hakuna matata. And yes cry a bit then move forward.